Do You Really Care About Each Other?

Do you really care about the other members of your small group? Not just a passing “I’ll pray for you” sort of thing. I mean the kind of care that you don’t mind if someone called you in the middle of the night sort of care and concern? I’m talking about a “you-hurt-when-they-hurt” experience?

Recently, I met with a small group leader who shared his story of Christian community heartbreak. He and his young family had attended their church for many years. They were connected in a church-based community. They attended worship regularly. People knew them. They were cared for…or so they thought.

In their deepest hour of need, their utter lack of community broke their hearts. This man told me that in the midst of a family crisis—the sudden and severe illness of his infant child—the lack of community was deafening.

No phone calls. No emails. No visits. Nothing!

When his local body of believers had a golden opportunity to be The Church—they let him down. In a word, he and his wife were “heartbroken”.

Today, their child is healthy. And so is this couple. They’ve become an integral part of a vibrant small group at our church, and he told me that his engagement in a Christ-centered community that loves well is something he does not take for granted.

In a couple’s deepest hour of need, their Christ-centered community needs to be the hands and feet of Jesus. Can your group count on each other?

It’s a question that you absolutely must have an answer to—an honest answer.

What Your Small Group Can Learn from John Piper v. Rob Bell

By now, you’ve probably heard about the skirmish between two heavyweights from the Christian pastorate. John Piper v. Rob Bell. A disagreement over a doctrinal issue. It's created a very public controversy. In case you aren’t familiar with the situation, here’s a summary:

• Rob Bell, Founding Pastor of Mars Hill Bible Church, has written a new book titled Love Wins. The promotional materials—a video clip and the publisher’s summary—could lead one to believe that Rob is teaching a doctrine called universalism. Simply put—everyone goes to heaven.
• John Piper, Pastor for Preaching at Bethlehem Bible Church, makes a concise yet direct statement through Twitter about what he knows of Bell’s latest work. The tweet said simply, “Farewell Rob Bell.”
• CNN and other popular media outlets ran with the “story” and made the controversy even larger.
• A wave of tweets and Facebook posts ensued. In amazing numbers!
• Many Christians took sides. Either (1) Bell has moved away from orthodoxy, or (2) Piper is mean and judgmental.

I’m not going to write about who’s right or who’s wrong. I’m not going to attempt to sway you to a particular side. What I am going to do is connect with the reality of why such a thing happens within the Christian community.

Two words: Doctrine matters!

Doctrinal Christian beliefs are orthodox for a reason—faithful Christ-followers and brilliant scholars from generation to generation have studied the Word of God and found them to be true. They’ve withstood multiple tests throughout many turbulent years of church history. And they remain.

Doctrine matters!

Consider the words of the Apostle Paul when addressing the issues surrounding church leadership (Overseer/Elder) in Titus 1.

“He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.” Titus 1:9

When publicity for Bell’s Love Wins suggested that he might be taking a position that stood outside of orthodoxy—Piper refuted. He didn’t waste time. He didn’t mince words. He was direct and to the point. Period.

Was Piper’s response hasty? Perhaps. Was it harsh? Possibly. Was it necessary? That’s what we must wrestle with and consider…

Doctrines are derived from systematic study of the Scriptures. They are not opinions. They do not fluctuate due to a cultural trend or a political agenda. They hold firm. This is precisely why religious trends have never destroyed what God is building—His Church.

Doctrine matters!

As followers of Christ, under submission to the Word of God, we have a responsibility to hold true to the long-standing doctrines of our faith. Moreover, we have a commitment to the teachings of our Savior.

“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20

Jesus gave us this exhortation. To teach new believers everything that He commanded. And He taught us to obey these things. In order to obey, we must know what Jesus taught. Pretty straight-forward stuff! Clearly, Jesus is suggesting that doctrine and obedience cannot be divorced. This is true in a small group, a mid-sized community/Sunday school class, or a congregation. To live out our faith, in practical tangible ways, we must know what Jesus taught. It shouldn’t be ignored, dismissed, softened, or patronized.

So, read it. Study it. Discuss it. Live it. Because doctrine matters!

Is Your Group Falling Apart?

Is your small group falling apart? Be honest. Are you having trouble with attendance? Has an outside offer of a movie or a ballgame taken precedence? When people do show up for your group meeting are they often late? Is their preparation lacking? Do they seem generally disinterested?

All of these things are signs that your group just might be coming apart at the seams. Busyness and too many other things to mention are taking their toll on your community.

What do you do about it?

Talk. Discuss. Bring the issue into the light. Like any relationship, talking is critical! Talk about your perceptions. Talk about your group’s expectations. Not in a shaming manner, of course, but in a way that communicates your genuine care and concern for the disconnected members. Sometimes, people just need a phone call or a one-on-one conversation to know that someone cares. They just need to know that people care.

Give people an opportunity to discuss what’s really going on in their lives. When you do so, you give group members a voice. You give them a chance to discuss what’s really going on in their lives. You open the door for folks to give feedback on the group and potential ways to improve your time together.

The worst thing a small group leader can do is ignore the issue. Commitment issues rarely fix themselves. Fact is; everyone else in the group sees what’s happening. Others sense a lack of commitment, promptness, preparation, etc. If they see the leader ignoring trouble, they’ll quickly lose confidence in your leadership and your commitment to shepherd the group.

Be intentional. Talk about it. The conversation just might save your small group.

Who Should Join Us?

Let me paint a picture for you. Your group is ready to add a new person or couple. You’re excited for some new faces, some new stories, some new perspectives.

But one question hangs over your next move. How do you know who will fit into your small group? Will they push your group to the next level? Or will the new folks unravel everything that you’ve worked hard to build?

It’s an exciting and stressful thing. There are a number of questions to approach the decision-making process of welcoming new participants. Here are a few that come to mind:

Should your decision be based on:
● Similar hobbies?
● Favorite sports team?
● Parenting styles?
● Theological views?
● Worship-style preference?
● Preferred Bible translation?
● Ability to grill a mean burger?
● Prayer?
● All of the above?

There really isn’t just one right way. All may be important if the items listed above have a place in the DNA of your small group. Only a few may truly matter. But the ones that do—they’re too large to overlook.

So talk about it. Ask your group members what aspects of your covenant are non-negotiable? What element(s) of group life are the most life-giving? Your answers to those questions should determine the likelihood of a potential fit, or a potential struggle, for your new members.

New members don’t have to look like you, think like you, or vote like you—but they should hold the same values and priorities that your group does.

The Hot Seat

Have you ever been in the hot seat? I’m not talking about a football coach or baseball manager whose job is under scrutiny. I’m not talking about your small group roasting you for laughs. I’m referring to the hot seat of prayer. Have you been there?

Recently, one of the small group communities that I engage with put me (and everyone else in our group) on the hot seat. Tense? Intimidating? Nope!

Here’s what it looks like: one chair in the middle of the room—that’s the hot seat. That’s where you sit, with palms open, with everyone gathered around. Some stand with hands on your shoulders, others bow down with hands on your knees. All are linked together to bring you before the Father in prayer.

Sound weird? It’s not. It’s powerful!

It’s about calling out to God on your behalf. Some pray for your walk of faith. Others lift up your marriage. Others pray for your personal ministry. In our group, the final person prays the Priestly Blessing (Numbers 6:22-27) over you.

It’s humbling to hear, and tangibly feel, your group members pray for you. It’s a powerful experience for the person on the hot seat—and for the entire group as you pray for your brothers and sisters.

So don’t be shy—put each other on the hot seat!

Go Old-School Nike with Your Small Group

It’s February. That means the inertia from your New Year’s resolutions have likely worn off. You’ve now reached the old Nike slogan phase, “Just Do It!”

Life in small group community is a lot like that.

I met with a small group leader yesterday who admitted as much. He said that many times he just doesn’t feel like going to his weekly small group—much less leading it! He told me that he’s tired. Everybody in his group is busy. People are stressed. And then it’s time for small group…

But then he followed up by saying something significant. He said something like this, “So many times when I don’t really feel like going to our small group, and I don’t feel like getting myself ready for small group—I walk away at the end of the night encouraged. Whether it’s a rich study, a powerful time of prayer, or just the friendships. I often wonder why I struggled to get there?”

This comment is a great—and honest—reminder to all who participate in small groups as a ministry leader, small group leader, or group participant. Small groups can be hard work. Community takes effort—but it’s worth it!

Authentic, life-changing, God-honoring community doesn’t just happen—it comes with a cost. Sometimes the cost is financial (babysitters), or emotional (needy people dealing with a tough situation), or time consuming (we sacrifice other things to participate). Yet when you’re willing to pay the costs and make the commitment—the benefits can far exceed the initial cost.

So the next time you’re tired and don’t feel like going or leading your small group, try the old-school Nike way—just do it!

Authentic Biblical community is worth the cost.

Who Doesn’t Like a Birthday?

Do you enjoy celebrating a birthday? You know, the cake, the candles, the singing? (Well, maybe not the singing.) For most of us, a birthday is time to have a little fun and honor someone in the process. Your birthday or someone else’s, it makes no difference. Some birthdays are more significant than others. But a celebration is a celebration, right?

I spoke with someone this week who’s small group didn’t care too much for birthdays. In fact, they never bothered to get to know his or his wife’s special day. In the big picture, this doesn’t seem like a big deal. Right? Well, actually, it is a big deal!

At first glance, you might think the guy’s story I share today might seem a bit needy or self-absorbed. He’s the exact opposite. He’s understated. He loves Jesus. And he is genuinely concerned about others. That’s what made this scenario so intriguing. Because there is a bigger issue here.

You see it’s the little things that we experience together in community that establish a level of care and concern for each other that builds a solid foundation for the big things. After all, if someone doesn’t care enough to find out or celebrate your birthday, they certainly aren’t going to care about the deeper issues in life. If a group can’t take a few moments once every year to shine the spotlight on the individuals in the group—what is the real point of the group?

Small group community is about the day-to-day, week-by-week stuff of life. It’s about the small stuff that we face each week that accumulates over time and becomes the big stuff. If your group isn’t doing the small stuff well—something as simple as getting to know each other’s birthdays and celebrating them—you’ll likely face serious issues of trust when the big stuff comes along.

So, invest in the basics of life (birthdays, anniversaries, etc.). Spend time on the mundane. The investment you make now will pay relational dividends later.

Keep Talking

This past week or so I’ve done a lot of talking with small group leaders. Plenty of listening went on too, as the leader talked. All of this reminded me that talking is critical!

I’ve talked with and listened to small group leaders who are wrestling with all sorts of choices, challenges, and opportunities. Plenty of things they are genuinely seeking to find answers to. Stuff like:

● How to most effectively integrate the small group community into the challenges pressing in from family and professional commitments?

● How to sort through the Biblical and theological minefield of women leading a small group that includes both men and women?

● How to best serve the needs of a single parent in a group?

Great questions! All without clear-cut, easy answers. Stuff that takes time to process. That’s where talking becomes crucial. Speaking it verbally to another interested and engaged party helps bring clarity. As you put ideas into words, things become a bit more clear. Try it some time! Try explaining why you’re handling a specific scheduling situation the way you are.

Sometimes clarity comes simply by putting the words into the air. The sound of the words in your own ears brings you to a point of conviction on your decision. Other times talking takes you to a place you never thought you’d go. As you verbalize your thought, you might just hear it as the most ridiculous, ludicrous, and silly idea that it really is.

Talking through possible ideas and/or solutions is far more helpful then just kicking them around in your own head. Why? Interaction and feedback.
As you understand your own reasoning, it becomes more clear to those listening. And more clear for them to give you feedback on your thoughts and plans of action.

So, talk! And keep talking. It can truly help you sort through the tough situations.

Preparing to Launch

This weekend we’ll kick-off our first Small Group Launch event of the new year! It’s an exciting, invigorating, and somewhat stressful time all rolled into one.

January is always an active time for small groups. New Year’s resolutions and new beginnings help spur people to action. The discussion goes something like this:

Wife: “I’ve been thinking that we need to get more deeply connected in church.”

Husband: “You know, you’re right…But where?"

Wife: “I think a small group might be what we need."

Husband: “What does that look like?”

Wife: “About a dozen people who get together in people’s homes each week. They talk about life, study the Bible, and pray for each other.”

Husband: “That’s sounds like something we could do. How do we get started?”

That’s where my excitement, invigoration, and stress come in. These people are ready to jump in. My job is to provide them an opportunity to connect with others who are interested in the same. Give them a solid foundation on which to do this. And then prepare them launch.

At our church, we work through a 3-week process that includes a bit of foundational Bible teaching on authentic community, vision-casting that details the specific way our small groups are structured, and some facilitated (yet organic) group discussion. It’s a process that has produced much fruit in 2010 and over the past few years!

So we begin our first Launch event of the new calendar year. We do so with hope, prayer, and expectation. But we don’t do it without a clear plan. We are very intentional about how we form and how we launch new small group communities. We believe it’s of utmost importance to lay a strong Biblical foundation for small groups. To explain and instruct on what makes our small groups a bit different than other churches. Without that, a small group can quickly become a group of people hanging out who just happen to be Christians. No purpose. No focus. No growth.

So we pray for those who are coming. We pray for those who will launch. We pray that their desire to be connected will be the start of something truly life-changing!

Are You in Pursuit?

Are you pursuing folks in your small group? Not in a weird, stalker sort-of-way. Rather in a loving, caring, want-you-to-stay-connected sort-of-way?

I’ve recently been in dialogue with a small group leader who has done an excellent job of pursuing those in her small group. Her group is comprised of members who are faithful, some who battle the challenge of an intense schedule, and those whom have disengaged and now treat the group as though it were the IRS and they have a bill to pay.

In spite of it all, this leader has stayed faithful. She’s stayed faithful to her calling as a small group leader. She’s remained faithful to shepherd and guide the group members who are consistent. And she has faithfully pursued those who’ve subtly disconnected. She’s communicated through phone calls, emails, and Facebook. She’s worked hard to keep everyone updated on group events, study details, and service opportunities.

This leader has done the hard work of pursuit. She’s seen some fruit from her efforts, but has also been dismissed. Yet her faithfulness continues.

Are there people or couples in your small group that need your pursuit? Folks who need to know that someone truly cares? People who need to know that they are genuinely missed?

Pursue them with the passion and love that Jesus has pursued you! The Son of Man left the presence of His Father to put on skin and enter our sin-stained world to pursue you and me. And when He came, He came not to be served—but to sacrifice his life for us.

“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Mark 10:45

Consider this reality when your small group attendance lags and commitment gets sketchy. Pursue God’s children as He pursued you.

Help! My Small Group Ministry is Floundering

Yesterday, I spoke with a pastor who oversees the small group ministry at his church. It’s a growing church, somewhere around 1,100 people in the congregation. They do small groups—sort of.

They have groups for theological discussion, groups for accountability, and groups that meet together just to be a group. (I’m kidding, but you get the idea.)

He told me that his small groups are floundering. The question is; what can I do to make this important ministry thrive?

After hearing my pastor friend give some specifics about his small group ministry, and details about his current groups, one thing became clear to us both—they lacked a consistent focus. They didn’t have a point of connection for the whole church.

My counsel was to not have a small group for every unique interest, of for every person’s hobby-horse issue. The Pastor knows this. Yet it’s hard to rally around a consistent message when everyone has their own interest.

That’s why it’s so critical for any small group ministry—large of small—to have a Biblical foundation. A foundation based on the early church model we see in the Book of Acts.

“They devoted themselves to the Apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.” – Acts 2:42

This Biblical example gives a small group ministry focus, direction, and a clear point of connection for the entire church. It communicates, “This is what our small groups are all about—study, doing life together, and prayer.”

Interestingly enough, the practices of the early church have something for the person who wants discipleship and spiritual growth (devoted to the Apostle’s teaching and prayer) and to the individual who seeks accountability (fellowship).

Is your small group ministry floundering? Return to the Scriptures for a focus that is clear, concise, and one that has stood the test of time.

Time to Re-New!

In January, I always find myself thinking about re-starting, re-connecting, re-focusing, and other such re-things. You too?

Everyone knows there’s nothing inherently magical about the month of January. Yet the start of a new year, the hanging of a new calendar on the wall, and going back to work after a few days off with family always seems to generate some “new” thinking. It’s just time to begin anew!

This creates the perfect time for a small group to re-engage with your small group covenant. Pull it out. Print it out. Hand it out. Look it over. Read it aloud—together. Pause. Repeat.

What is it saying? Does your covenant accurately represent your small group? Does it accurately capture your group’s goals and ideas for life transformation? It should. If it doesn’t, it’s time to re-visit and re-work your covenant.

In her book, Community That Is Christian, author Julie Gorman writes, “Covenants may be discussed and revised at any time. In fact, it’s important to keep current on commitments. If people renege on what was agreed upon, the group can rethink its decisions.”

The start of a new calendar year is always a good time to evaluate some of your original covenant decisions. Ask group members for honest answers to some tough issues:

• Are group members having a difficult time keeping their time commitments?
• Has the economy impacted the things group members can afford socially?
• Has the group grown emotionally close, but remain spiritually stagnant?

These things might cause you to re-work or adjust your covenant. Remember, the covenant is something that is developed by your group—for your group. It’s a tool to be used regularly to provide guidance and direction.

So re-engage your covenant. Re-work it. And encourage everyone to re-new for a great year of community life!

Small Group Resolutions for the New Year

Happy New Year! It’s time to set some resolutions, err goals, for community life in the year ahead. So, allow me to make a few suggestions for you (small group leader) and for your small group as you begin 2011.

Maybe your group is already doing well on the following items. Great! Keep it up. Maybe your group is struggling in a few areas. Let the following items be a resource of recommitment. Either way, take a few moments to read through and evaluate the following. I believe you’ll find them helpful.

Here are a few suggestions:

Be Faithful – Whether you meet weekly, bi-weekly, or something else. Be faithful to your small group time. Life is incredibly busy for everybody. Guard and protect your group time!

Be Gracious – Nobody wants to be a part of a shaming community. Nobody! Remember, you—and every other person in the group—are the recipient of God’s amazing grace! (2 Timothy 1:9) Strive to put into practice the gift of grace that you have received.

Be Authentic – It’s easy to hide behind masks. Masks can look like a great career, a perfect marriage, outstanding kids, a holy lifestyle, etc. Yet to be part of a healthy small group, you must lay down your mask! Authenticity comes when you are honest with yourself and others about your career struggles, marriage difficulties, parenting challenges, and faith questions. It’s worth the risk.

Be Intentional – Every important relationship you have takes effort. Your spouse. Your kids. Your parents. Your friends. Your co-workers. They all take time and investment. Be intentional about investing in the relationships within your small group.

Be Others-Focused – Wherever you see a need—within your small group, your church, or your community. Put the words of Philippians 2:3 (…consider others better than yourself) into practice.

Be Fun – It should not be a chore spend time with your family of faith. Small group life should be enjoyable—even fun! Do exciting things. Laugh together. Enjoy the group of people God has sovereignly brought together.

Love Jesus – The ultimate goal of small group community is to draw you and the others in your group closer to The Savior. So, whatever you do—strive to live out the words of Jesus from Matthew’s Gospel.

“…‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ ” Matthew 22:37

Overcoming Regrets in the New Year

At the end of a calendar year, we often take a few moments to look back over the past 12 months and evaluate. We sort through the good things, the fun times, and the mountain-top experiences. Problem is; the past year also had its fair share of bumps and bruises and stuff that we’d rather forget. As a leader, small group or other, reflecting on the last year is a mixed bag.

So, the question is: How do we learn from our mistakes? How can we overcome the tough stuff?

Here are three tips to navigate the next year with more grace and truth:

1. Confession
Bring your “stuff” before God. Ask Him to forgive your actions, your motives, the things you said, and the things you did that were sinful.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

As a Christ-follower, your confession is not for your salvation (justification), rather it is for our purification (sanctification). It allows us to be up-to-date with our Heavenly Father.

2. Confession – Part II
The Father has forgiven you, because of the work of Jesus on the cross, but your brother or sister in the faith may not have. So, confession must now take on a horizontal element—you should ask the person(s) you wounded or hurt for their forgiveness.

“Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” James 5:16

The Biblical context is one of illness. The practical experience for you and me is one of a relationship that is wounded and unhealthy. Confession brings healing and restoration.

Did your mistakes hurt others? If so, seek forgiveness.

3. Pray Together
Praying together brings unity. It brings closeness. It unites the hearts of men and women in community. That’s why it’s critical for believers to pray together.
Yet it’s very difficult to come before the throne of God with another person with whom you are at odds. So, once confession and forgiveness have taken place—pray, pray, pray!

Mysteriously, God can, and often does, bring unity through your faithful humble pursuit of Him.

Let’s learn from the mistakes of the past year. Let’s not allow regrets to disrupt or destroy our community. Instead, let God work in and through each of us as we humble ourselves before God and our friends.

Three Gifts

It’s Christmas Eve. Time to celebrate the coming of the Baby King! Time to follow the lead of wise men and worship the Christ Child. These Magi sought out Jesus, worshipped him, blessed him with gifts (Matthew 2:11).

In this holiday blog entry, I’m following the Magi’s lead. I come bearing gifts. Obviously, not for the Baby Jesus. Instead, I come bearing three gifts for a special group of Jesus’ followers—small group leaders.

This Christmas, I want to bless every small group leader with three important items for small group health in the coming year. Here goes:

1. Commitment
This has to be the number one threat to small group life in 2011. Let’s be honest; people are over-committed. You are. I am. We all have too many good things going on in our lives.

Whether it’s your son’s basketball game, your daughter’s piano class, or your spouse’s office dinner party—everything seems to be fighting for our time. We try to carve out time and space for Christ-centered small group and find it a challenge to be faithful to our weekly or even bi-weekly commitment.

What gives? Too often, the small group and the relationships within are the first thing to go. Ouch!

In our world of too many options, I give you the gift of commitment. It’s not a perfect attendance badge, rather a gift that whatever schedule you and your group can agree upon—you have people who are willing to put commitment into action.

2. Communication
Who doesn’t like to know what’s going on? Whether we’re talking about a board meeting or a basketball game, a financial statement or a family situation—everyone likes to be in-the-loop.

Small group leaders and small group members alike could use this gift. Too often we assume that everyone knows when the next small group meeting is, or that you won’t be there because you have family in town. Not so!

Encourage everyone in your small group to make the extra effort and communicate. A phone call, a text, an email, anything that keeps you connected amidst the busyness is a good thing for the health of your small group.

3. Christ
This is the best gift of all! And not for the obvious “church” answer that you might expect.

The gift of Jesus into a small group really shakes things up. He makes things happen. He transforms peoples lives, marriages, families—entire small groups!

As Jesus takes His rightful place at the center of your small group, you will experience dramatic changes! The fruit of the Spirit will be present in people’s lives in tangible ways. You’ll pray more in-tune with the heart of God. You will begin to witness God at work more specifically.

Jesus is the bond that links believers together. Welcome Him into your group anew this holiday season.

May you and your group receive—and enjoy—these gifts!

Have a fantastic Christmas!

The “Wow” of The Word

I talked about the Bible today. That’s good, right? I’m required to talk about God’s Word considering my vocation, right? I’m supposed to talk with small group leaders about the Bible’s impact on their group, right?

Well, I was meeting with a small group leader this morning who made a short, yet powerful, statement that I have not heard before. It went something like this, “The people in our group have been so deeply immersed in the Word of God over the years, that our small group time always has depth.”

This group of empty nesters is not made up of super Christians. They’re just men and women who have been intentional and faithful to allow the Scriptures to impact and guide their own faith journeys. They are Godly, Bible-centered believers who have believed the words of Hebrews 4:12.

“For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” – Hebrews 4:12

And because each individual Christ-follower in this small group has been touched by God’s Living Word, the entire group is able to experience God in powerful tangible ways. The Word has penetrated the lives of these believers!

This leader’s comment reminded me of a small group curriculum by Group Publishing called God Sightings. It’s a tool that encourages and facilitates people to learn to see God in every day life.

In the God Sightings companion guide, group participants are encouraged to, “look past the pages to God himself. Discovering the Author, not just the literature.”

This small group has looked to the pages. They’ve discovered the Author. And the words on the page are not mere literature—but life!

* * *
If you’re interested in learning more about Groups’ God Sightings curriculum material, check out www.mygodsightings.com.

Is Someone Praying For You?

I got an email from a small group leader this week who told me that her and her husband pray for me and my family regularly. This was a nice surprise!

Not that I don’t get encouraging emails—I do. But rarely do I receive an email letting me know that someone is praying for me. As a pastor, I don’t hear those words often. So when I do, it means a lot.

Prayer is one of those things that you don’t expect from someone, but it is sure a huge encouragement when you learn that someone has been bringing you, your family, your concerns, and your ministry before the Father.

In his classic work Spiritual Leadership, J. Oswald Sanders writes, “The spiritual leader should outpace the rest of the church, above all, in prayer.”

I pray regularly for our small group leaders and for their groups. I pray for their faithfulness to Christ. I pray for their personal needs that I’m aware of. I ask God to work in them and through them as they shepherd their small group. I don’t often, however, tell our leaders that I’m doing so. Perhaps I should?

As I considered this couple’s faithfulness to me, my family, and my ministry at our church, it caused me to consider a strange question; do you know if someone is praying for you? Is someone you minister alongside lifting you before God in prayer? Is one of your small group brethren interceding on your behalf? If not, would it be too weird to ask someone to do so regularly?

This question requires humility and vulnerability, but it might be critical to you, your family, and a future of a healthy small group ministry.

Disagreement-Fueled Discussion

I enjoyed some scintillating discussion yesterday. It was fueled by the early chapters of a book that none of the members of my small group really agree with or enjoy.

This book, which I will intentionally leave un-named, is written by a guy who loves Jesus. It’s written by a man who clearly desires to live authentic, biblical Christianity. Yet his writing is one sweeping brushstroke of broad generalization after another. It offers a stern critique of many things that all of us in the group hold high.

So, I posed the question: Do we toss the book aside and move onto something else? Or do we press on, knowing that we’ll get a birds-eye view of a perspective that is not our own?

To their credit, everyone indicated a desire to continue—even if the book may cause each of to fling the book against the wall a few times!

Our first group time digging into the content of the book stirred a spirited discussion. It caused us to evaluate our own thinking, our own biblical worldview, and our own application of Scripture. It drove us to the Word of God. It helped to solidify some of our own beliefs, not just what we thought we believed. Our time together was a disagreement-fueled discussion—and it was rich!

Usually, most of us use study materials that somehow stimulate the position we already hold. Our reading and subsequent discussions typically move us, ever-so-slightly, in the same direction we were already heading. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. There is good reason for us to stay within orthodoxy. Yet, some times, it’s helpful to dig into a resource that takes a different approach to the way we live out our faith.

Disagreement with an author’s perspective fueled our discussion—and will continue to in the weeks ahead. Don’t be shy about letting it fuel yours.

How Not to Scare Away New Members

In my last blog post, I encouraged all of us to consider the reason for welcoming and integrating new small group members. We examined the “why” question.

This time around, I want to focus on the practical aspects of welcoming in new group members. Let’s dig into a couple of ideas on “how” not to scare new people away. Here goes:

1. Be Warm
Welcome in new members by doing something fun, relaxing, and non-threatening. Meet at Starbucks for coffee. Host a barbeque. Get together for an evening at the local movie theatre. Introduce yourselves, watch a film together, and then set aside some time afterward to hang out and talk.

Do something that you would feel comfortable doing with mere acquaintances. (Because, many times, that’s what new members of your group are—acquaintances.) You don’t really know them, nor do they know you. Expecting people to jump right into the social dynamic and rhythm of your small group is a stretch. So do everything you can to make the transition easy—not forced and awkward.

2. Be Real
Everybody wants to make a good first impression. The group wants to appear welcoming and not at all like the local chess club. The new members understand that all eyes are on them. The pressure can be stifling. Let the air out of the balloon!

Encourage everybody in your small group to be themselves. (Frankly, why bother putting on a show? The new members will see the real you soon enough.) Talk about football, work, the kids, and last Sunday’s sermon-stuff that you’d normally kick around at the beginning of your typical small group gathering.

Then be intentional about introductions, not just the cursory name and where-you-work stuff. And, never underestimate the power of an ice breaker. Sure, they’re cheesy. But they’re also helpful in getting acquainted with each other. And that is the primary goal for the initial meeting(s) when welcoming new members.

Strive to welcome people in a casual non-threatening way that you would enjoy entering—and you’ll be just fine!

Why Should We Welcome New Group Members?

I learned something this weekend. As I prepared to host and lead my quarterly small group leader training event, I discovered the topic we were digging into—welcoming and integrating new group members—goes largely unaddressed by publishers and church leaders alike. Why? Is it because there’s an assumption within the church that we all do this well? That it comes natural for Christians to welcome other Christ-followers into their community? I believe that’s an unsafe and reckless assumption.

Most of us enjoy the idea of new people or couples experiencing what we have—great Bible-based discussions, rich times of prayer, and great friendship. Yet when it comes to actually welcoming, and seeking to integrate, the new member(s), the idea is easier than the reality.

There are plenty of practical “how” questions to ask, and I’ll address some of those in future blog entries. But the best place to begin for a group entertaining the idea of a new group member(s) is by engaging with the “why” question. Why should we welcome and integrate new people into our Christ-centered community?

Let’s look at the words of The Apostle Paul when he wrote to a deeply divided Roman Church. He writes these words:

“Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” — Romans 15:7 (ESV)

Writing to this divided church community (Jewish Christians and Gentile Christians) Paul exhorts every believer to welcome or receive every other believer—as you have been accepted by Christ! Why? Because it brings glory to God when we do! When we welcome and receive and accept other members of the faith—God is glorified.

This is not to suggest that just because a person or couple desires to be a part of your small group that you should welcome them in without discernment. Fact is; your group may not be the best fit for them. Yet a healthy posture to take is to consider welcoming and integrating them in.

But what might that look like? Is your group ready to do that? Or have you become too inward-focused? Stagnant? Unwilling to change?

These are tough questions to ask and even tougher to discuss. Yet the “why” question is worth approaching. Both for your group, and for your potential future group members.